I always thought:

August 24th, 2007 | by gene |

That this first post was going to start with a quotation from Book 1. But I have been trying to start it for two weeks now and “she” just wouldn’t let me. If you are here, you know “she” is Jenna. I KNEW this was supposed to go “live” with the website but I just had NO words. Which, since most of you got here from the website, know is not really an issue with me. :^).

But tonight she told me what she wanted me to start with. She decided she had to get clear with me about what this first post should say. I can be a pretty stubborn guy. In my own way, yes, but still sometimes I just don’t listen. So tonight, on my way home from work, I drove in though I really had no reason to, well, other than that she asked me to this morning so that we could talk. The day, all the things that happen, life, you know? Interferes with us sometimes. I normally bus, I have a flipping bus card from my work that pays for it, but for almost a year now, she has had me driving in 3 or more times a week, because in that half hour, she has me all to herself, I’m not distracted by the things going on around me, or television, or what I should be doing at home, I’m all hers. I’ve had a host of physical issues that have kept me from walking, my running days are over – knee issue, and so our “alone” time has been affected. All relationships require one on one time. Even ours.

So – this isn’t going to start with CWG at all. Though that will still be the focus of many, if not most, posts. This one starts with Sarah McLachlan. Jen has had me listening to two of her cd’s, over and over, for three months. Surfacing and Fumbling Towards Ecstasy. I mean, over and over. I have listened to virtually nothing else. I have copies for the car and copies for up here, in my loft. I love her voice, I love who she is, I love that she does all her own writing and arranging but that is not how I found her. City of Angels, her “shortened” rendition of Possession, captivated me years ago. And Jenna had me rent that about three months ago. I’ll do a post about that later, how she directs me around Hollywood video, every once in a while, and shows me what she wants me to watch. It is weird, but amusing, and true. So – again, what is the point, gene? Well, I love every song on both cd’s, I sometimes skip Adia, not sure why, but everything else on both cd’s just thrills my soul. I will probably talk about why, with each song, here eventually. Why not? I mean, who else is listening? giggle. I do that a lot too, and it looks goofy, I know, but its true nonetheless. When you see that word, giggle, I AM doing that.

So the song I am going to write about first, well, surprised me, because I love them all, Possession was my favorite (and at the end of the cd, Fumbling Toward Ecstasy, which is the name of the last song, if you just let it run, you’ll hear some very odd, music, and then tacked on is a piano version of Possession, SO different from the song that opens the cd, but so beautiful in its own right. My second favorite song on that cd, is Mary, I just love it, I GET it, and I love it. But that isn’t the one either, she wanted a song from Surfacing. Which is what this website, it turns out, is about. I am surfacing. I talked about the searching I’ve done on the main site and that I am no longer, what I am doing by putting up this site, and this blog, IS surfacing. I’m not entirely sure why, but she says it is true, and, in truth, she has told me about this but I’m not really free to share that yet, so I do know why. And, I know that as Book 1 says, there is no such thing as a coincidence in this world, nothing happens without reason. That’s not quite exact and I’ll talk about that more later, but it applies for the moment. So stopping my search, and, surfacing me is what this is really about. And so tonight, on the way home, like I said, NO coincidences, as I turned on the cd player in my car, the song that was up, was Witness. And she had me play it again and again and again. Until I got her point. giggle.

How, I could be so blind to it, I don’t know. I’m not a slow learner. But she can be so frustrating sometimes, I guess that is the nature of what she does, but it sure annoys me. I am a “get to the freaking point” guy, in a lot of ways. As much as I appreciate gentleness, I still get frustrated when I KNOW someone wants to tell me something and they are wandering around it, all over the map, but never getting to the POINT. I bet you feel the same way, giggle. As much as it annoys me, I am as guilty of it. Dependant on circumstances, of course. It is VERY hard for me to deliver bad news, I search for ways to soften it, and I do wander then, and I am easily distracted, giggle, I mean I am enormously curious, so I will wander in conversation too, all over the map, but I always come back to, draw the conversation back to, the point. Or she does. It doesn’t really matter which. And, in truth, it is both. So now here is the point and I’m going to quote Sarah’s song to make it, she sings: “Make me a witness, take me out, out of darkness, out of doubt, I won’t weigh you down with good intentions, won’t make fire out of clay, or other inventions. Will we burn in heaven, like we do down here? Will the change come while we’re waiting? Everyone is waiting, and when we’re done soul searching, as we carried the weight, and died for the cause. Is misery made beautiful, right before our eyes? Will mercy be revealed, or blind us where we stand? Will we burn in heaven, like we do down here, will the change come while we’re waiting? Everyone is waiting.”

Now some of that sounds a little scary, but it isn’t. And it is eternal truth. The reason I have been so pushed, urged, and pushed some more, to put up this site, to begin this conversation, is the reason I was born, the reason I am here, the reason I have had the experiences I have had, the reason behind the lights. I am a witness. I KNOW we are more than we think we are. I KNOW it. There is no other way to explain the inexplicable. In my searching, I didn’t limit myself to esoteric sites, I searched the available literature on illusions, psychosis, schizophrenia too. I wanted to find out WHY I saw such odd things, separated by so much time. It isn’t like I see visions every day. Three times in almost 58 years. I mean, MY question is, excuse the language, WTF, is THAT all about? WHY? And the answer is in that song. To be a witness. To tell you all that this is NOT all there is. When we die, we don’t go poof and are gone. We go home. To a place where that incredible feeling of love and peace, balance, that I felt in those moments with the lights, is ALL there is. THAT is the truth. That is OUR truth. And, the reason, I have had these three inexplicable light experiences. So that I could be made a witness. Fear is not our truth, it is part of our experience here. LOVE is our “end”, and it isn’t an end at all, but our beginning, our forever.

So the next question becomes then why are we here? What could possibly cause us to leave a place like THAT to come here to do THIS? And, that, dear ones, is where CWG enters the picture. That is where I’ll pick this up, not tonight, probably not tomorrow, but Sunday, appropriately Sunday. much love, :^) gene

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