Gene's Blog

What do you dream of?

This comes from Steve Goodier, as so often, one of my posts seems to begin, lol. I so admire him though one might think we would have little in common, he being a minister of the Christian faith, and me, well, something, someone, outside of that tradition at this point in my life though I was raised in it. Steve has the wonderful knack of finding stories that cut across religions, traditions, philosophies and present timeless truths. That’s why I enjoy him so much. And I should here say, I am not new to him. I have been receiving his newsletter since its inception, or very nearly, 10 plus years, way back when it was a daily thing. He needed to cut back several years ago and now publishes 1 to 3 times a week at most. I treasured his wisdom and stories then and I do still. We are fellow souls though we follow different paths, our destinations are the same. So enjoy this little piece, it is amusing and true. I’ll be back after it for a minute or two. :^)

DREAM SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL

A mother of a vivacious five-year-old just returned from a meeting of
the National Organization for Women. Stirred by exciting dreams for
the possibilities of womanhood, she asked her daughter what she wanted
to be when she grew up. Little Lisa quickly answered, “A nurse.”

There was a time when nursing was thought of as a woman’s profession
and the answer somehow seemed not to satisfy. She had, after all, just
returned from a NOW conference.

“You can be anything you want to be,” she reminded her daughter. “You
can be a lawyer, a surgeon, a banker, president of the country – you
can be anything.”

“Anything?” Lisa asked.

“Anything!” her mother smiled.

“I know,” Lisa said. “I want to be a horse!”

Lisa’s dream may need some refinement, but there is plenty of time for
that. When do we quit dreaming about the future? When do we resign
ourselves to simply replaying dreams from the past?

Maybe her dream needs to mature a bit, but would you rather have the
optimism of a five-year-old girl who wants to be a horse, or the
pessimism of an adult who says in despair, “I can’t be anything at
all”?

Teddy Roosevelt said, “Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on
the ground.” I believe that is the way to make those dreams come true.
It begins with looking up and dreaming something beautiful.

— Steve Goodier

I would most certainly rather have the optimism of a five-year-old girl who wants to be a horse that the pessimism of an adult who has lost the ability to believe in him/herself. If ever there comes a time in my life when I find myself simply replaying dreams from the past, I will be ready to go home. For me, it is Jenna who keeps me on track and focused, who does not let me slip into, what would be easy for me, the trap of thinking my life is over and there is nothing yet to achieve or learn that I have any interest in. She does this for me. I cannot do it for myself. Left to my own devices, I slide backward, but she never lets me slide far. In all honesty, I could not live this life without her. She smiles within me, YES, I can feel that, and says thank you, honey, but it really is not me, it is you. Uh huh. One of us knows better. Giggle. I do so trust her though. I’m going to tell here a little story which I shared with my son the other day. As an example of how things work with jen and I.

I have been paying bills for a lot of years, I guess close to 40 now. They always want you to include their little tear off statement, that hasn’t changed over the years, and they provide a window envelope in which to put your check and the statement. On the back of each envelope is advice, I sort of always took them as commands, which means I ignored them, I quit taking orders the day I was discharged from the Army, lol. And, since there was a statement which had my account number on it IN the envelope, I saw no reason to write my account number on my check too, though they always suggested I do so. I also NEVER bothered to fill in my address on the front of their envelope, it was a WINDOW, THEIR address was plain as day, why should I spend time writing on the envelope what was already inside? So I didn’t do that either. One thing I did do, was when I dropped my stack of envelopes in the mail slot, I checked each one to be sure I had a stamp on it. Just a long-standing habit. This system, for me, has worked perfectly for 40 years.

However, three years ago, things began to change a bit. Creditors began offering deals. Six months with no interest, but if you missed a payment, they’d add ALL of the interest, at some ridiculous rate, on and would NOT take it off. I know that most people will mess up at least once and that is how those companies make their money – no one is in business to give money away. The first of those things I did was three years, forget now what it was, but I made all the payments on time. Then the next month I had used the card for a meal or something and missed the payment date by a DAY. And they charged me this huge late fee. Annoyed me, that did. Yes, that is Yoda speaking, giggle. So I canceled that account immediately. And determined to NEVER make that mistake again. But I was STILL going to do it on my own terms. Not going to write account numbers on my check that were already on the piece of paper enclosed with it. Not going to write my name and address outside when they were all over inside.

Then. Giggle. I saw this offer for an HDTV, which I knew I wanted and would eventually need, and my existing tv was 11 years old, from Circuit City. I guess it is okay to mention them here, I’ve bought many things from them and have never been disappointed. I HAVE been disappointed with my purchases from time to time – once I bought a computer, didn’t like it took it back, got another, no trouble, didn’t like THAT one either, took it back, and got another, all cheerfully on their part. I mean, hell, I found me annoying but they never did. :^). To my face. Which IS what counts. To me. :^). Anyway, this offer was two years, no interest, BUT if you messed up, all of the interest and fees would be added back on, 22%. Which made me shudder. Because interest rates that high just seem usurious to me and unfair, and just plain wrong. But I was determined. I divided up the price and sent them 1/24th of it faithfully, always at least two weeks early – not fooling ME twice, giggle. And I paid it off. That tv was wonderful and it sits now downstairs, covered in a foam blanket because I am giving it, have given it to my son, once he finds a place to call his own. I’ve purchased computers, printers and furniture on these same terms. Some of them are no payment, no interest for 12 months, but if you haven’t paid it off by then, interest and fees are added on back to the beginning. I am able to manage these payments, I know many people are not.

We live in a paycheck to paycheck world, most of us. The super rich, the ceo’s, the executives, the oil barons, THOSE people do not. They fly their friends to Paris for their wife’s birthday party. THAT is not the world I live in. Nor is it the world I came here to touch. (oops, but that stays, that was jen, not me) I wish she would WARN me when she is going to do that, just take over my fingers, lol, but in all truth, I think my fingers have always been hers. And I’m okay with that. Words appear on the screen, or on paper when I was younger, and I had no idea where they came from, that I knew those things, or knew them so well. She’s never not been with me. My faith now is hers, she says she will never not be with me. And I’m glad of that. Because truth be told, I’m not really all that good with life here. A lot of it pisses me off. Poverty does, starvation does, AIDS does, CEO’s do. A lot. Were it not for her, I might be a terrorist, only in the Lone Ranger style, giggle. Because THAT is what I grew up with. Good fights evil and no matter the struggle, in the end, good wins. That doesn’t seem as certain anymore. Though jen says it is. And I believe her.

So. This last set of bills I wrote out last week. I did everything as I have been doing for 40 years. Sat down with what was due and what I had and wrote checks, put them in envelopes (OH, once this interest free thing began I did make a change, I started writing my account number in the info line on checks – just so they couldn’t say I made a mistake), put a stamp on each envelope, checked the bill off my list. But THIS night, she insisted I write my address on each envelope. I resisted. I was NOT going to do that. But the first time she said it, I’d only done like four bills, so I thought, chit, and just did it. But then there were like 9 more envelopes and I didn’t want to do that and she just said, honey, please? Yes, she uses appellations, which is nice because no one else in my life does, lol, and i just didn’t resist, just did it. The next morning I took them with me, dropped them in a mail slot in the building next to the one I work in, looked at EVERY envelope to be sure it had a stamp on it and went on my way. And on Tuesday, I got back in the mail, an envelope, with a little red post office stamp on it that said, the post office will not deliver mail without appropriate postage. I missed one. Somehow I missed one. I have never missed one before and never written my address on the outside of the envelope before either. This time I did because she said please and I missed stamping an envelope. And because I had written my return address on it, it got back to me in time for me to go online and pay it without incurring a late fee. I could not have remailed it and been sure it would have gotten there on time. And I already know credit companies give no one a break, not even if you’ve been a good customer for many years. Wait, there IS one FMC, but that is the only one, in my experience. And my experience is all I have, all any of us have. Last fall, September, my birth month, I missed scheduling my car payment. I get email notices every month and when I get it, I go there and schedule the payment. I have been doing that for almost 20 years, somehow I missed this one. It might have gone into spam, and I do look at that stuff before I delete it, just to be sure nothing real got caught in there, and THAT does happen, but I missed that. Well, FMC is Ford Motor Credit – I buy only Fords, American made and completely reliable vehicles, except for the first new car I EVER bought which was a piece of junk that wouldn’t start if the temperature dropped below 30 degrees, which, here, in Minnesota, happens occasionally, I have always driven Fords. I still do. Anyway, I got a call from FMC late in September, I had already scheduled the October payment from the email, and a polite young woman asked if there was a problem. I said no, why? Well, she said, she could see I had scheduled October’s payment, but I didn’t pay for September and was there a problem? I said WHAT? Remember, I am NOT the calm one, giggle. Said, wait a minute let me get on my computer. Came up here and looked and sure enough, September was empty. I said I can’t imagine how I missed that, I make the scheduled payment the day I get the email, I thought I had already done that. She was SO nice and so understanding. Had my history right there in front of her, saw that I had never missed one before, suggested the spam idea – which had not occurred to me until then, and said she would waive the late fee so that wouldn’t affect my credit, and I just made both payments THEN. So, there are people out there with hearts, and the authority to exercise, but to my knowledge, they only work for Ford, lol.

Now, there, if you’ve read my main site, and I hope you have and encourage you to do so if you have not, is an example of how jenna works within me. This is the part that many of you will struggle with. ALL of you have a “jenna” within you. NO one comes here alone. No one. EVER. When we are home we are a complete person, male/female combined, it is only when we come into relativity to experience what we may here, that we separate parts of ourselves. We do NOT come here as the trinity that we are as children of God. We come into duality thinking we are three, not knowing we are not. We think we are three because that is what religion has taught us, and in that religion has it right, partly, and to its own advantage. We think we are mind, body, and soul. But not one of us has EVER seen our soul. We think of it as the essence, the spark, that makes us alive, and in a small way that is true, but all we experience here is mind and body. Period. We “think” “assume” we have a “soul” because having this part of us that we cannot see and cannot touch, allows others, men mostly, to exercise power over us by persuading us that only THEY can touch our soul, speak for our soul, intercede with our creator. And in exchange we give them recognition, fame, and lots and lots of money.

One of the things I am here to tell you, through who I am, through what I have seen and jen says through what I will do (and here i giggle, cuz i am nothing special at all) is that you do not need an intercessor. Your connection to your creator is wireless, giggle. And you are never in a spot that is blacked out, or inaccessible. It is that you have been conditioned to believe you need an intercessor. But, please, think, we’ll use earthly terms because earth is what we know. WHAT parent will only talk to ONE of his/her children? What parent will only help his/her children, IF they ask appropriately, through another of those children? That is ridiculous. Patently ridiculous. THAT idea is of human creation, not divine. I have SEEN the other side, FELT the other side, that is all on my main site, and I tell you because jen tells me, there is NO divine creator that is unavailable to you. You simply need make contact. I can help you with that. I didn’t do it easily, but I did do it. And so can every one of you. NONE of you came here alone. You ALL know jenna. Not as her, but, in the same way. You each have another “half” of you, with you, watching you (not in a creepy way, I’ve already worked that out with jen, giggle – i mean there are things i do that i don’t want anyone to see, giggle, and she says everyone sees, but at home no one judges, period, not like we humans do, not in any way at all, what happens, happens, there is no seductive twist, or judgment as to how we do ANYTHING), loving you. And waiting for you to ask him/her what name he/she would like to be called by. THAT may well surprise you, giggle. I “knew” jenna’s name forever, if my oldest son had been a girl, he would have been named jenna, my ex and I agreed on that. That was HER reaching out to me THEN. It was another 27 years before the shouting into the night thing ended with her telling me who she was. I am telling YOU right here, right now. You have a guide. Our creator did not send us, let us, come here alone. You are not alone and have never been, will never be.

So how did we get from “i wanna be a horse” to here? Look closer. There IS a path. much love, :^) gene

Tonight? Deepskyblue:

If today brings even one choice your way
choose to be a bringer of the light :^) gene