{"id":71,"date":"2007-12-13T18:36:06","date_gmt":"2007-12-13T23:36:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.onepeople-oneworld.org\/WordPress\/?p=71"},"modified":"2007-12-13T18:36:06","modified_gmt":"2007-12-13T23:36:06","slug":"what-a-month","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onepeople-oneworld.org\/WordPress\/2007\/12\/13\/what-a-month\/","title":{"rendered":"What a month"},"content":{"rendered":"

This has been one of the oddest months of my life. A lot happening, yes, and reason for some of what I feel but what I feel changes so much from moment to moment, not just day to day, that it is making me a little more insane than usual. I don’t think a day has passed in weeks that I haven’t had something make me cry like a baby. I’m not a weeper by trade. I do get misty from time to time and there are memories that can bring me to my knees – this season from Thanksgiving through February 11th, has been hard since Brandon died, but, you know, that was, or will be 11 years ago. Apart from the complicated bereavement stuff, this time of year has been bearable for several years or so I thought. But what I think varies so much from day to day, moment to moment, and Jenna really isn’t any help with this, she simply says it is what must be right now. But it is making me a little more up and down than I am comfortable with. Anything, and I mean anything, can not only bring tears to my eyes, but streaming down my checks, I am practically afraid to turn the television on lately. But last night she had me watch a Jennifer Garner movie, now I like Jennifer Garner, I never watched her television series, but I have enjoyed her in a couple movies, one of them the girl version of Big – like the Tom Hanks movie, I even like the comic book one she did with Ben Affleck, but this one last night just really got to me for some reason. It was Catch and Release, one version of, or another, I have been playing all my life. But it isn’t as simple as tears, it is more than that, and I’m not sure what. Or why. One moment I feel like I have answers, the next I feel like I don’t even know what the questions are. So jenna sings me: Witness<\/a><\/p>\n

Witness<\/center>
Make me a witness
\ntake me out
\nout of darkness
\nout of doubt
\nI won’t weigh you down
\nwith good intention
\nwon’t make fire out of clay
\nor other inventions<\/center>
Will we burn in heaven
\nlike we do down here
\nwill the change come
\nwhile we’re waiting<\/center>
Everyone is waiting
\n<\/center>
And when we’re done
\nsoul searching
\nas we carried the weight
\nand died for a cause
\nis misery
\nmade beautiful
\nright before our eyes
\nwill mercy be revealed
\nor blind us where we stand<\/center>
Will we burn in heaven
\nlike we do down here
\nwill the change come while we’re waiting
\neveryone is waiting<\/center><\/p>\n

Then has me turn on my radio in the car where Afterglow is playing and I hear: Answer<\/a>

“Answer”<\/center>
\n
I will be the answer
\nAt the end of the line
\nI will be there for you
\nWhile you take the time
\nIn the burning of uncertainty
\nI will be your solid ground
\nI will hold the balance
\nIf you can’t look down
\nIf it takes my whole life
\nI won’t break, I won’t bend
\nIt will all be worth it
\nWorth it in the end
\nCause I can only tell you what I know
\nThat I need you in my life
\nWhen the stars have all gone out
\nYou’ll still be burning so bright
\nCast me gently
\nInto morning
\nFor the night has been unkind
\nTake me to a
\nPlace so holy
\nThat I can wash this from my mind
\nThe memory of choosing not to fight
\nIf it takes my whole life
\nI won’t break, I won’t bend
\nIt will all be worth it
\nWorth it in the end
\n‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
\nThat I need you in my life
\nWhen the stars have all burned out
\nYou’ll still be burning so bright
\nCast me gently
\nInto morning
\nFor the night has been unkind<\/center><\/p>\n

And I wonder just what is going on within? I know it is caught up in the son who is gone, worry about the son who is not, worry about my mother and worry about Cisco. I wonder sometimes if I can find a way to cast me gently into morning, for as gawd’s own truth, the nights of late have been most unkind. Ah well, there’s no where to go but up, right? Right? Please say right. much love, :^) gene<\/p>\n

If today brings even one choice your way
\nchoose to be a bringer of the light :^) gene<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This has been one of the oddest months of my life. A lot happening, yes, and reason for some of what I feel but what I feel changes so much from moment to moment, not just day to day, that it is making me a little more insane than usual. I don’t think a day […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-71","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onepeople-oneworld.org\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onepeople-oneworld.org\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onepeople-oneworld.org\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onepeople-oneworld.org\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onepeople-oneworld.org\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=71"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.onepeople-oneworld.org\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onepeople-oneworld.org\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=71"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onepeople-oneworld.org\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=71"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onepeople-oneworld.org\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=71"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}