Gene's Blog

Born This Way

So, an odd post maybe. I’ve just been thinking lately about life, my life, I’ve been so inactive here, and having recently retired thought that would not be the case. Yet it is.

So I’ve been thinking about why. If anyone got here from the main site, you’ll know I have an inner voice, and a lot more about me as well. For all that, I’ve had, well, at times an incredibly difficult life. One son took his own life just over 22 years ago, the other died 8 1/2 years ago. So it’s just me. As has been the case for most of my life.

My inner voice has been with me all of my life though I didn’t know she was there until I was in my late 40’s. That’s in stories below and on my main site. She’s told me so much about what is coming, and that has always been “soon”. But at my age, soon isn’t really with meaning anymore. I know that soon to her is different than it is to me. But I’m at an age where I don’t actually know how much time I have. She still says a lot. That may be true. But I still wonder why me. Why did those light events, the awakening experience happen to me? She’s told me why, that I have things to do, that I will do. But here I am and none of that has actually manifested. Yet, she says.

The events themselves were so powerful, I have no doubt of the truth I saw, felt, in them. I don’t want to doubt that what she says is coming, will. But I do. I thought all of that would be here long before now, but she still says the timing is perfect. I don’t really have much choice but to believe her. I know her essence is pure love, I know what that feels like, I felt it in those light experiences. I want that. Very much. I want to be about that now as she’s explained it to me. I have always loved having something to look forward to in my life, I’m never happier than when I do. So, maybe I’m troubled that the beginning will take that from me. I don’t think so, but it’s possible.

Things are so horrible in this world right now. I could have an effect. I want to. In some ways, I think I need to. She says I will. I guess I can’t imagine anything worse than coming to end and not having done what she says I will. That’s not a fear so much as a profound disappointment. Potential disappointment, I have to hedge because she is so persuasive.

So I wait, still. She, as I’ve noted elsewhere, sings to me, often I wake with a song in me, lately that has been Born This Way. Specifically, I keep hearing, throughout the day – “You’re on the right track, baby, you were born this way”. And I know I was. I’ll be ecstatic when the track is actually my path and I’m walking it. Or when this is over. I guess I’m okay with either option. I’ve seen a lot, observed a lot and I know that is part of why I came, but I do feel there’s more. I’m waiting for that still because I was born this way. All thanks to Lady Gaga for the lyrics that give light to my path. And Jenna who keeps me on it.